konfessions of the Koog

Since injuring my arm at Kayak practice in January, I've become porky. The Girlfriend blames a fast food company that shall remain McNameless, since, as I said before, I hate being sued. At one point in time, I was consuming 3 egg muffins for breakfast and 2 BigMc's (ha) and a 1/4 pound burger with cheese for dinner. The Girlfriend made me stop, not because of my waistline, but because of my cholesterol. We agreed that I would give up the Mc for good. This McAddiction is a funny thing. There are no 12 step programs, there are no McMethadone clinics and there is no McAnonymous to help us. And there are no sympathetic friends trying to help you fight your 2-all-beef-pattys,-special-sauce-lettuce-cheese-pickles-onions-on-a-sesame-seed-bun demons. I believe it's been said that idle hands are the Devil's playground. Last night my buddy came over to drop off the dog I'm dog sitting for a few days and we decided to go to dinner. The evil temptress that she is, she suggeste

Well, the Girlfriend is off on vacation. (sigh) We're still at the stage in the relationship where I will miss her. My friends that are either married or in LTR's tell me this will fade. She flew out yesterday for the first leg of her vacation. Unfortunately, it was not as smooth as she would have liked. She flew a crack airline that shall remain nameless since I hate being sued. She was supposed to leave a bit before 1pm and arrive a bit after 2. She didn't. She was chronically delayed and arrived after 5. This sucked because it was of course her first leg of her trip. She was then driving for 12 hours. She arrived at her destination safely around 5 am. When she called, I was asleep, so 5 am is an approximate time. Her situation with this airline reminds me of a funny story with my Ex. Ex was flying back home to Florida after our freshman year of college. My parents and I drove her to the airport. These were the times before we worried about terrorists, so we were able to

My Girlfriend's birthday is the last weekend in September. Being the anal-retentive planner that I am, I started planning the big event in June and bought her gift (the major one) on Saturday at Tiffany's. You might be asking, "Koog, why Tiffany's? That store is so sophisticated and classy and decidedly not you" Let me explain. In preparation for purchasing, I scoured the internet for the perfect gift. I looked at Celtic, platinum, custom and any other kind of jewelry you can think of. Before throwing up my hands and heading to Home Depot, I checked out Tiffany. Lo and behold, they had cool stuff at not too ridiculous prices. I looked at the site and found some rings that I thought she'd like, vetted them to my friends that have taste and was excited see them in the store. So I, along with a trusted pair of advisors (my Ex and my Neighbor) went to Tiffany's to buy for a ring for the Girlfriend. I need to bring advisors because I suck and I know it, and thi

the much blogged about ring.

...mounting the artifacts. (hehehe)

I'm bored at work. To prevent myself from falling asleep on the desk, I decided to do some internet shopping. With the Girlfriend celebrating a birthday soon, I decided to peruse the web to find the perfect gift. I already have one gift in mind, I'm going to get it this weekend. (Sorry, no hints) But I'm looking for something a bit more romantic. While I try to be romantic, I'm not. I border on insensitive. So, since I'm trying to change my ways, I decided to let Google help me out. I entered "romantic birthday gifts" in the search engine and let'er rip. This was no help. Just a link to things she would hate. Gold roses, incense, strange jewelry and Winnie the Pooh quotes. I don't know why I'm having such trouble with this. So much pressure. It's the first birthday she's celebrating with me and if I don't do this right, it may be the last. But she's frugal so spending lots of money is not an option. (Thank God!) Doe

I was home sick yesterday. There is something to be said for staying in bed sleeping all day. My Girlfriend took good care of me, making lunch, doing laundry and napping with me. After lunch we decided to watch a movie. Usually she is suspect (which she should be) of my movie choices. My favorites include Dumb and Dumber, Old School, Anchor Man, or the oldie-but-goodie Porky's. She, on the other hand loves Fried Green Tomatoes, Elizabeth or any movie that does not feature a nude Will Farrell. What fun is a movie without a crack shot of Will Farrell? Anyway, after lunch I brought up 3 movies for us to choose from "Master and Commander," (but since I was already nauseous, this was not a good choice), "Da Ali G Show"(first season, respek) and Almost Famous. We agreed that we should watch "Master and Commander" on the widescreen in the basement another day, she didn't even consider Ali G, so we decided on Almost Famous. Sleeping through movies is prett

I just celebrated my 33rd birthday. I still feel like I'm 14 and I still act like I'm 10. Will I ever grow up? It was with this question I started my weekend long birthday extravaganza. As I reminiced my 32nd year, I realized that alot had happened to me last year; new house, a new car (twice) and a new girlfriend. The latter has forced me to mature at a faster rate than I had been in the previous 32. Forced may be a strong term, there were no, "it's the foosball table or ME" ultimatums (thanks, honey) or "I took the liberty of selling your drums on Ebay." She's so not like that. Maybe I should say she guided me to discover the slightly more adult version of myself. Take the Land Rover situation. I was spending $600 per month in gas to power that thing as she lives more than 40 miles from me. She told me to consider a new car. I considered a BMW Z4. She said it was hard to fit 2 people and a large dog in a 2 seater. I agreed and purchased a BMW 325i,